THE LOWE FAMILY NEWSLETTER : VOLUME 88 DECEMBER 2013

IN LOVING MEMORY OF NORM WHO LIVES IN OUR HEARTS AND LAUGHTER FOREVER

Hi Bubby,

I loved you for thirty eight years despite the differences in our ages, races, and culture. None of these things are of any importance – of course it helped that you were completely oblivious of the social norms! Remember sitting at the kitchen table in the Black Hawk Heights house and taking four hours to propose to me? I figured out pretty early on in the conversation where you were going with your analogy of a plane circling the airport and finding it's destination but I let you do it your way, just hoping that I wouldn't fall asleep before you proposed! Then the next day you ran through it all again to make sure I hadn't changed my mind! You laughed when I said I'd been to the library to check out divorce laws in what to me at the time was a foreign country.

Since 2005 you struggled with prostate cancer and Multiple System Atrophy – a rare neurological disease. Despite numerous hospitalizations, surgeries, being home bound, wheelchair dependent, with total dependance on others to help you with dressing, personal hygiene, and medications you never once had a pity party for yourself. The grace with which you accepted life in a body that barely functioned was awe inspiring to everyone who knew you. You only ever expressed gratitude that your dreadful illness had not befallen you in your younger years when you were working so hard to support our beautiful family. Putting eight children through college was a big motivator - plus you lived to work whereas most people work to live!

Thursday, November 7^th was not a good day. Shortly before midnight I called hospice because despite the morphine, your pain seemed to be intensifying. They told me to give you another half dose and call back if there was no improvement in the next fifteen minutes. There wasn't so about 2:00 am a nurse arrived to try and move you into a more comfortable position and finally we slept for a few hours.

On Friday you woke early in the morning still complaining of pain. I called our wonderful hospice nurse, Toni, who spent most of the day with us. She berated me for not calling her out the night before! She called the hospice doctor and the pharmacist to ask about pain killers that could be given in liquid form in addition to morphine. She asked about one in particular that she remembered giving to another patient but the pharmacist insisted it wasn't available. Later that night she called for help to clean you up and move you as I had put my back out earlier in the day just emptying your catheter – something I had done hundreds of times with no problem. The other nurse, Jennifer arrived to help us and Toni expressed her frustration over the pain medicine situation. Jennifer said she was certain it was available and called the pharmacy and told them to check a certain kit and sure enough there was a bottle of it there. At almost midnight this nurse who had no history with you drove over to Olathe and back to get it for you. Our experience with hospice care was stellar.

The next day, Saturday, Coryn, Jeremy and Ava Claire arrived unaware of your rapidly deteriorating status. I hadn't told Coryn the day before because she was working and I didn't want her to be upset while driving especially with the baby. You know she is the ultimate “daddy's girl” who had you twisted around her finger from the moment she was born. Pals for life you would both say as you stuck out your matching chicken legs.

Once Coryn realized what was happening she texted all her siblings. Josh came over right away and volunteered to spend the night and stayed with us from then on. Sunday Coryn and Ava Claire moved in until you left. Unfortunately Delilah smelled the dogs on Coryn's suitcase and peed all over the contents marking her territory. Just what we needed, a load of washing. We sent the smelly suitcase home with Jeremy.

The three of us took it in turns to give you your medications , all in liquid form as you were no longer able to swallow pills. We had to give you two different medications every hour night and day in hopes of keeping you pain free. Josh applied his analytical brain to figure out how to move you every few hours, without too much discomfort, to avoid pressure sores after we found one on your heel. We stuffed pillows around you, and under you to support you as best we could.

Coryn shared the harrowing experience on Facebook finding it almost impossible to sleep. I was worried that her lack of sleep and the stress of the situation was going to make it difficult for her to produce enough milk for Ava Claire but thankfully that wasn't an issue. At night when I was snuggled up in bed next to you I would hear her tiptoe into our room and whisper in your ear ( you two loved your little secrets) even though it wasn't her turn to give you medications. She swabbed your mouth out when it filled with fluid and when she put lip balm on your lips she'd tell you it was hot pink lipstick! She was amazing, she really held it together. You must have been so proud of her!

Ming Lee reading Coryn's texts decided with Lori, that we needed more help so he flew in on Tuesday November 12^th ( after working all night himself) so that he could take on part of the night shift in hopes that we could all get a few hours of sleep as by then we had been on this regime for three nights.

Jeremy pitched in by picking up lunch and dinner for us all that day - a huge help as none of us had the energy to do anything – we forced Toni to eat too as she spent so much time with us only leaving if she had to see another patient.

Shortly before 5:30 am on Wednesday morning Coryn felt compelled to check on you yet again: almost immediately we noticed your breathing change. She ran to get her brothers so we were all with you when you finally found that perfect peace and quiet you craved all your life.

Craig and Leslee had decided to come the day before and were literally flying in as you were flying out and they were as relieved as the rest of us that you had been freed from your pain and the limitations of your body. They said their goodbyes when they arrived. Ming-Lee was a rock, staying with you while I worked with Toni and Leslee on the arrangements to have you cremated. Now here comes the funny part Bubs. For months I had been showing you the two Chinese Ginger Vases that your mom gave us years ago and explaining that your remains would be in one and mine in the other. I thought you would like to have your ashes scattered on your uncle's farm where you used to love to spend your boyhood summers but you didn't like the idea at all and decided the simplest thing to do would be to combine our ashes and let the kids throw them around their gardens or something – literally pushing up the daisies maybe! Well to get back to the vases Ming took one look at them and asked if they were going to be big enough. For some reason I was thinking that there would only be a couple of cups worth of ashes. Craig and Leslee were clueless too so someone looked it up on the net: the vases were not going to hold the estimated ten to eleven cups as determined by your weight and height. I immediately thought of the large vase that I use as a centerpiece on the dinning room table - also given to us by your mom. Leslee grabbed it and began filling it with cups of water. It was big enough to accommodate us both ! While Leslee cleaned it's dusty insides Ming and Craig dashed to the hardware store to find something to use as a lid and found a cork circle that was the exact size needed. I was planning on having you as the centerpiece of the dinning room too but some of the kids found the idea unappetizing so I put you up on the mantle in the upstairs family room.

Since you so enjoy bathroom humor I will mention that while Ming was keeping you company in the bedroom and Coryn was either napping or showering I was holding a fussy Ave Claire. Just be glad you couldn't smell it because I developed rampant diarrhea and dashed madly pass Ming throwing the baby at him as I made it to the toilet – too late. This happened not once but thrice! Ming was stoic – he even managed to get Ava Claire to sleep. You know my bowels always get in an uproar when I'm stressed bubby. Toni advised me to double up on Lomotil.

Becky (Coryn's friend) insisted on bringing lunch over for us and said her goodbyes to you before you left the house. What a great friend she is to all of us!

Shortly afterwards the hearse arrived to transport you to Heartland Crematory. We all bid you another tearful goodbye in the family room hugging each other in our grief.

Kay was a great support, spending time with you, grocery shopping, helping out with meals and airport runs. Lori, Claudia and Blake called to say goodbye while Ming held the phone to your ear, Sean Facetimed you from Australia a few times. Marc and Bryn called from California. Sean posted a blog shortly after your death. He really captured the essence of you. It made me cry and laugh. Marc also posted a great tribute to you.

I thank Ming-Lee and Leslee who each flew in three times in a short period of time to be with us. Without doubt their visits helped boost your spirits and probably gave you at least another week or so with us. On Leslee's second visit she again took over the kitchen and had you eating for the first time in days. Scrambled eggs and pancakes in bed! Your spirits were so lifted by her presence that you announced that you might be up for a walk later in the day – something you had not been able to do in years! When I left the house to run an errand you coerced Leslee or should I say your Pippy or Little Pip Squeak- into getting you in the wheelchair and taking you out to the front porch. She told me she thought it was too cool but you insisted so she piled blankets on you and gave you a cup of hot tea . You loved it but she was glad when you agreed to come back in after awhile.

During this time you were suffering from hallucinations and confusion (greater than normal) which Toni assured us was not due to your medicines. One day you were dozing in bed sandwiched between your two daughters when you opened your eyes, looked at your girls, and asked if you were in heaven! Your girls are not that angelic! But it was a beautiful memory for them.

Only the week before this Coryn and I thought you were on your deathbed saying our tearful goodbyes as you asked us if we saw the red light. I called hospice and the team quickly appeared in our bedroom. One of the chaplains quipped that you might not want to go on the red light: might be better to wait for the amber or green light! You rallied and were able to enjoy another couple of weeks with us.

I learned a lot about our children during this time. I knew Ming-Lee could shop for groceries and make a meal but I had no idea that Josh could too. Even Marc( who flew in after Leslee's visit) amazed me by going to the grocery store and making one of your favorite meals, beef stew. Marc had me stewing over the electric bill as he had the crock pot running for ten hours! However you were so enthused about the stew that you ate too much, too fast, and had a terrible esophageal spasm which lasted about an hour despite my dropping medications under your tongue. The next day I offered to puree Marc's stew for lunch for you. You looked terrified.'' Not the beef stew” you cried.

Ming-Jon came out for a short visit the week before Thanksgiving and enjoyed meeting Ava Claire and spending time with Kay. Bryn came for a week but spent most of his time flat on his back as usual! Nothing like Ming-Lee and Craig who hauled at least two carloads of books to the half price book store so that I could start re-organizing things with space to work in.Craig and Leslee also cleaned the house from top to bottom for me!

I decided not to put the Christmas tree up this year: it just wouldn't be the same without you constantly warning me not to go a step higher on the ladder to reach the top of our nine foot tree; then getting agitated when I leaned too far over threatening to topple myself, the tree and ladder in your opinion. Of course the more you fretted the more I climbed and leaned! When the tree was about half decorated you would tell me what a beautiful job I had done and be most disappointed when I said I still had boxes of decorations to add. Then when I decorated the mantle and staircase you would warn me that so many Christmas lights were going to throw a circuit breaker. I'd just smile and say I still had the outside to do!

For years our outside Christmas lighting at the old YMCA consisted of one green and one red light bulb. Stringing lights was not your thing. When we moved to Arlamen Drive the boys and I strung icicle lights the length of the house and wrapped the four porch pillars in greenery, bows and lights. Guess who was running up and down the street taking pictures in the dark of the house fully decorated ? I think you grew to enjoy all the holiday decorating.

You have always been a central character in my newsletters because frankly you provided me with endless stories to recount – unintentionally of course. Someone else in the family is going to have to fill the void – I wonder who the lucky one will be?

I write this last letter to you through my tears but take great comfort in knowing that you are watching down on us all from the best seat in the heavens. We'll put a great show on for you for the rest of our lives. I love you more today than I did yesterday and I hear you saying those words right back to me. Thank you so much for our beautiful family who lift me up every day.