THE LOWE FAMILY NEWSLETTER : VOLUME 142 SEPTEMBER 2021
MING LEE LOWE
NOVEMBER 21ST 1969 - AUGUST 26TH 2021
In my last newsletter I wrote about our amazing family reunion in June and how thankful we were for some special time with Ming Lee. I drove out to Indy to visit with him in mid July. His sisters and their families were visiting the Indy Lowes too. My visit overlapped with Leslee – Ann, Craig, Ray and Callie’s for a night and day before they left. The Logues had departed the previous day. They stayed in a hotel so that Ming Lee would not become exhausted by the high energy and noise! Lori told me that he had spent about five enjoyable hours one afternoon watching the four kids playing in the backyard with huge balls and utilizing the playhouse that he had built for Blake and Claudia when they were little. It did tire him out but he said it was so worth it to enjoy his nieces and nephews.
I stayed at the house and on my first night Lori woke me, needing help to change Ming's bedding. Being all too familiar with this operation I was glad to help out. I mentioned to Lori that I had discovered at some point in caring for Norm that double making the bed with two mattress protectors and fitted sheets meant you could roll your partner to one side of the bed and strip the first sheet and mattress pad off on the opposite side to them, then roll them over onto the second sheet and mattress protector and completely remove the top set and have a clean bed already made up underneath them. Lori thought it a brilliant idea so the next day while she was taking Ming-Lee to the hospital for an infusion treatment I and the Remsburgs went shopping for more mattress protectors and sheet sets so that it would hopefully make bed changes easier for Lori to accomplish, especially when alone with him.
I was so glad that Lori had organized home health aides to come on a regular basis to help her with showering, dressing and transferring Ming. She did an amazing job as a caregiver, doing everything possible to make his days comfortable. She may be physically tiny but she could heft Ming out of bed and into a wheelchair all by herself for months. Unfortunately by the time they got a Hoyer lift to help with this Ming became virtually bed ridden.
A couple of weeks after this visit Lori and Ming decided it was time for hospice care. Lori kept us all updated on his very rapid decline and with Blake and Claudia soon going to college Josh volunteered to return from Mexico to be in Indy to help out with his brother's care – we were all so grateful to Josh for doing this as we knew that Lori was not getting enough sleep and was exhausted from all the physical and emotional drains on her energies. Josh is able to work for his company anywhere in the world as long as he has internet access and he can set his own hours which gives him great flexibility.
By mid August Ming was suffering from headaches and nausea more frequently, classic symptoms of brain cancer. On August 23rd I drove out to Indy again as after conversing with a Lori a couple of times: I felt time to be with him was running out. Thank goodness I went when I did – another day and Ming would not have known I was there. He could barely speak above a whisper, and only one or two words but he was able to let us know that he knew I was there. The very next day he lapsed into a coma like state and the hospice nurse advised us to give him morphine every two hours around the clock and of course could not give us an exact prediction of how close to his passing we were but we knew it would be a day or so at most in all probability as he had not eaten anything without vomiting for the past few days. Ming was a devout Catholic and I knew he was at peace with being taken from this life in the believe that eternal life awaited him in the heavens, closer to his God.
Sometimes we took it in turns sitting with Ming, other times we would all hang out in his room, listening to old vinyl records on an ancient record player that Josh had set up. Claudia stopped by a couple of evenings to visit and eat after her Martial Arts classes – the fridge and freezer were packed with donated meals and Josh made supper for us every night I was there trying to free up some space. A few special friends came to say their final goodbyes to Ming over the next couple of days and it was obvious that Ming meant so much to them too.
On the morning of Thursday August 26th the hospice nurse saw changes in Ming that indicated he might only have hours left. Lori called Blake who drove home from college to be at his dad’s bedside. Late that afternoon as Ming slipped away from us the heavens opened, thunder and lighting, strong winds and torrential rain heralded Ming’s flight to the heavens. It was quite a send off.
Claudia, a church deacon and a priest made it through the terrible storm to pray together with Lori and Blake over Ming Lee. I think we all took great comfort in knowing that Ming Lee was no longer in pain and completely at peace with his death.
I first met Ming Lee on October 4th 1974 when he was almost five and I was twenty two. I arrived in this country from England on the very day that Ming Jon and Ming Lee lost their birth mother and I quickly became their primary caregiver. Ming Lee was a challenge: he was equally good at being an angel or a devil!
It only took me a couple of days to realize that the boys had been taken care of by a patchwork of babysitters, neighbors and kind friends. There was no routine, very few rules and even periods of time when Ming- Jon, just seven, was left in charge of his brother. Norm's idea of breakfast was Tang Orange drink and a box of donuts, left for them on the kitchen table - as he went to work before they got up! Someone would hopefully show up to take Ming-Jon to school and Ming-Lee to his babysitters or preschool. In true Mary Poppins form I swept in and made drastic changes. Milk became the drink of choice and home baked fruit and nut filled muffins or bread and granola or bran cereal became the new norm. Instead of picking up fast food I cooked! Baths and tooth brushing became routine as did a set bedtime and I kept them busy with trips to the parks, piano lessons, baseball, craft activities and play dates.
In five short months we became a family when Norm and I married – the boys were very instrumental in this decision as we had bonded well and I couldn't bear to think of them not being in a stable, loving home. Over the next few years our family grew and each new sibling was warmly welcomed by their big brothers.
Five year old Ming Lee determined his career path – he was going to be a pilot! Most kids will pick various jobs throughout their childhoods but Ming Lee never veered off course. In fact he earned his pilots license before his driver's license as he won a flight scholarship at Missouri Military Academy and they paid for all his pilot training. He then went onto Purdue University and graduated with the hopes of finding an entry level job with a commuter airline, and subsidizing the very low pay by becoming a flight instructor. While he was a student at Purdue he met Lori, fell in love, married her and once he was established with FedEx they welcomed Blake and Claudia into their family.
Ming's job allowed him to fly in and out of many peoples lives on very short notice sometimes. As a child Ming did not enjoy life without friends and lots of them. Alone time was not his thing at all. So it was not surprising that he would try to fly routes that would bring him to a city where he could spend time with one or more of his seven siblings or play a round of golf or hit the tennis courts with a friend.
When we lived on Melody Terrace in Fort Madison our house and yard was always full of kids. Ming could make a game out of anything and his toddler siblings only added to the fun.
He loved summer camps and was a Camp Counselor as a teenager at Camp Lookout in Montrose. Unlike many of his siblings living in a rustic cabin with a bunch of noisy kids with no air conditioning and plenty of mosquitoes was heaven to him. He liked being outdoors, hiking, swimming, sitting around a camp fire and getting to know new people. From his early years he was a charming, funny extrovert who loved to hear about other peoples lives and if he befriended you he would help you out in any way he could. Ming was the guy you called if your sink backed up, your car died or you just needed advice.
Lori had told me on a previous visit that Ming had been very involved in planning his own Celebration of Life Ceremony and Funeral Mass as he didn’t want the burden to fall on his family after his death. His work as a grief counselor had shown him how stressful it could be for the surviving spouse. He had decided to be cremated and felt that there was no need to have an immediate funeral so Lori arranged the visitation for Friday, September 10th and the funeral for Saturday. September 11th. He also insisted that the luncheon following the funeral should be catered not provided by church volunteers. He wanted the members of his church attending his funeral to be spared kitchen duty. So thoughtful.
Our long time family friends Lori and Roger Griswold were both there to share their love of Ming Leewith fond memories and like everyone else who spoke noted how much his faith and family meant to him. I was delighted to visit with Rudi and Bryan Allison who had driven from Iowa to attend. Ming and Bryan spent a lot of time together when we were neighbors on Melody Terrace in Fort Madison. Rudi had even taken the boys to the Indy 500 a few times when they were kids! It is an interesting coincidence that Ming spent his adult years in that city! Another lovely surprise was seeing Heather Welch who became good friends with Ming-Lee through his godparents Sue and Carl Saunders – Heather is their niece. I also got to visit with Martha Hellman, one of thirteen kids from Fort Madison. She had married a FedEx pilot and they live in Indy too! The Hellman family actually bought the first house we lived in on Black Hawk Heights back in 1975! Life is full of amazing coincidences!
Ming Lee truly lived a very full life: he accomplished more in a day than many could accomplish in a month. He was blessed with boundless energy – well maybe I did not always consider this a blessing when he was a child – and this energy was centered on Lori, Blake and Claudia. They took many family trips both in the United States and overseas, Ming-Lee was always involved in all their school activities – probably signed up for every field trip!
Ming Lee was so also a self taught craftsman. He built some amazing pieces of furniture for their home, heirlooms for generations to come and he could tackle any home improvement problem with positive results. Ming did not sit – he did. The passion he had for living a full meaningful life was very much rooted in his strong Catholic faith which guided his every moment on earth.
Now every time I look to the sky and see an airplane, bird or butterfly I think of Ming Lee flying free, no longer trapped in his sick body, soaring above us but always ready to swoop down and hold us in his heart as we hold him in ours for ever more.
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